Food Packages. They come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and containers; glass, plastic, paper, foil, cardboard. We all have to deal with the packaging that our favorite foods are in; some easy to open and some, well…just imagine for a moment…
You have an evening to yourself so you go shopping and buy a nice bottle of Chianti with a cork, not a screw top; a box of gourmet crackers and a nice block of creamy blue cheese to serve with the crackers. You get home and pop a DVD into the player, pull out a wine glass and a plate. You start to hear rain hitting the roof and glad you’re inside.
You attempt to open the box of crackers and find that the glue on the box is strong enough to hold the Space Shuttle together. After finally opening it, you realize that you’ve opened the wrong end and you’ll be unable to actually close it when you’re through, so you decide to tape it closed at the wrong end and open the correct end with the tab closure, having to again endure the super glued flap.
Now you’ve finally got the box open and inside the box is a cellophane sleeve of crackers. You pull out the sleeve and try to pry apart one end of it, only to realize that they’ve used the same glue on the cellophane as they did on the box and need the Jaws of Life to open it. Try as you might to pull it apart (because you’re too lazy to take three steps over to where the scissors are), it just won’t give…until finally….you manage to pull it apart and you now have crackers and crumbs all over the counter and the cellophane sleeve is beyond repair or use. You now clean up the crumbs and see if you can salvage any complete crackers that you’ll actually be able to put cheese on. You also have to put any remaining crackers into a plastic bag that you can hopefully fit back into the taped up box. (Wow, the rain is really coming down out there!)
You now decide that you’re not going to go through the same thing with the cheese, so you decide to use a knife to remove the plastic wrapping from it. You stick the knife into the plastic wrap and attempt to slice it off the cheese, slicing your finger instead. You are now bleeding all over the cheese; you drop the knife and the cheese and, while using every expletive you can think of, grab the nearest towel so that you don’t bleed to death. You now need to go up to your bathroom so that you can take care of your sliced finger the best you can.
You pull out the bandages, the antiseptic cream and the hydrogen peroxide. You pull off the bloodied towel, rinse off your cut finger and pour over some peroxide to clean it out; forcing you to use more expletives because it stings like crazy. (Note, by now, the movie is half over). You manage to stop the bleeding and you put the antiseptic cream on and manage to open the bandage without having its ends stick together and you get it wrapped around your sliced finger. You can now go back downstairs to finish up. (Was that thunder?)
You manage to remove the cheese from the wrapping and cut some slices for yourself and sit them on the plate with the semi-broken crackers. You wrap up the cheese in some fresh plastic wrap.
Now for the wine. By this time, you’ve had to restart the movie and the crackers are starting to go stale.
You pull out your corkscrew and manage to remove the covering on the cork without incident. (whew!) You put the corkscrew into the cork and start turning the handle as you watch the screw go into the cork and wing handles go up (so far, so good). You stop turning and slowly push the wing handles down while your finger throbs (drink enough wine and you won’t feel the throbbing). The cork comes out only about halfway. No problem; you’ve dealt with this before. (More thunder!)
You grab the corkscrew and slowly move it around and back and forth while pulling up and….the cork comes out, but only half of it because you moved it back and forth too hard! You now have to remove the cork half from the corkscrew and put it back into the other half to remove it from the bottle. You take a deep breath and manage to remove the other cork half from the bottle! (Yay!)
You pour yourself a glass of wine and take it, the bottle and the plate of cheese and crackers into the living room. You settle down, restart the movie (again!) and just as you’re about to take a sip of wine…
****CLAP**** ****BANG**** ****CRACKLE****
AND A FLASH OF LIGHT!!
And next thing you know, you’re sitting in the dark because the power has just gone out. Your wonderful night in has turned into a nightmare, you haven’t eaten anything and you’ve managed to take one sip of wine, while your finger continues to throb.
Had you not had so many problems with the product packaging, you actually might have a full belly and a happy head and seen most of the movie by now.
You now have to stumble around in the dark to find the flashlight so you can find the candles and the matches. You find the flashlight and the candles and matches and light the candles. You sit on the couch with your wine and cheese and crackers and decide that since the power is still out, you may as well go to bed. You manage to get yourself ready for bed, you climb in and just as you’re about to drift off, the power comes back on and all the lights in the house go on….sigh.
You just say to yourself that tomorrow will be a better day…when you suddenly remember that you’ll need to open a new bar of soap in the morning!